Guest Post

This weeks guest spot goes to Mrs K of www.momfamilychild-help.typepad.com/hanginthere/guilt & sorry.

I have to say I have struggled over the past few days to post anything at all and I work on 3 blogs!...luckily one is really a picture blog for our puppy, sneakypuppy.com, so that's ok....the other is a beauty blog, Paula's Beauty Spot, where I give tips & skincare & makeup advice...and then there is this one, my main blog. I have also been asked to be a Contributor to a new social networking site called sassymamas which is launching soon...what a honor!
I'll apologise ahead for typos and missing words even tho as usual I will proofread, double check, publish and then check again...it's just that in this migrainous state, I'm likely to make mistakes I wouldn't normally make. sorry. that's a word I use a lot when I'm ill. sorry. If i don't use it, then I think it because I feel guilty a lot. guilt. I have a lot of it. I'm not talking about that normal Motherhood guilt we can all experience because we say, work and put our child in care, or guilt because we miss our childs athletics day....I mean I have guilt on top of that guilt because of my bad health and all of it's ramifications.
I think I spent my childhood getting ready for an adulthood full of pain... a series of unfortunate traumas, chemical exposures and bad accidents have culminated in a very broken internal system (mine)...the result of which is ME/CFS, debilitating migraines, chronic lower back pain and severe food & chemical intolerances. The stressful thing is I usually suffer these concurrently, there is no respite, no one at a time, oh no, they all hit me togther.....consequently, I have these charming little stress and pain cortisols running amok throughout my system as well, wrecking a particular kind of havoc of their own. Pain is magnified and tolerance levels are lowered........
This is Day 3 of a 24/3 migraine, with a pain level score from 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest, this pain is a constant 12/10. With an amount of analgesics I don't even want to go into this pain reduces to 10/10 for about 3 hours and then climbs back up to 12/10. More painkillers......this could go on for another 4-6 days, and if I'm really unlucky 6 weeks. That would be really bad timing as I'm having the first of 3 back surgeries next week. Not good.
My activity levels because of my chronic lower back pain have been reduced to about 2 hours per day of light activity before I have to rest, reclining on a bed. I can't sit for longer that 10-15 minutes and I defintely can't sit on a hard chair like a dining chair, so no meals with my family. guilt. No restaurant chairs for dinner with Mr K. guilt. I can't sit on an outdoor chair, so no BBQ's outdoors with friends & family. guilt. No school chapel service with Son. guilt. No house cleaning. ok, not so much guilt there, over that and loving cleaner once a week! If I push it and do more than I should or simply do the grocery shopping my back goes into a spasm and I can't move for 2-3 days. guilt. Mr K has to do the cooking. guilt.
So, here's to the success of my 3 back interventions (or 'exorcisms' as Mr K calls them)...if they work, I could have a huge reduction in severity of pain for 6-9 months until the nerves grow back (more on those procedures next week). That's Step 1. Then we can have another go at these damned migraines. to my family & friends-sorry.